We're down to the final five, People! So I'm watching the first immunity challenge, and I can't help but root for Ozzy. He's just so damn good at the whole survivor thing, I WANT him to be the big winner. Jeff is droning on in the background about how this is the toughest puzzle ever in the history of Survivor. (Really? I mean, not that I've got some written record of all the challenges in the past... but from my comfy couch at home it looks just like another underfed, underbathed group of survivors scrambling around for puzzle pieces and then jigsawing them into place.) Jeff is also getting kind of hyper, telling us all how close the competition is... Yul, Adam, Ozzy puzzling it out, neck-and-neck. And I'm getting sucked in! I'm thinking, uh oh... Ozzy might lose this, and then those bastards are going to vote him home! Whatever, I obviously shouldn't have worried, because suddenly Ozzy's little flag is raising (that's not a euphemism for something else) and he's got immunity once again. Whew! But this guy deserves to win, am I right? He has made no bones about it, and has just gone out there and been physically dominant throughout this entire experience. As much as he may be a part of the "close" Aitu tribe, unlike the rest of his tribemates he's still around because of his own performance not because of the safety he found in an alliance. Case in point... immunity challenge number two. Standing on a itty bitty platform in the surf for as long as possible. Who wins? Our buddy Ozzy... hooray! Hell, he can climb a coconut tree while standing upright... standing on a postcard-sized platform on a clear day isn't much of a stretch. All Right! Ozzy's in it for the million. Now I can relax. But what's this? They're changing it up a little this time, and THREE survivors get to go to the final tribal? Well, well... we'll have to see how that spins things. Okay... Immunity challenge number one, Ozzy wins, which means Adam gets the boot. Oh, sadness. There goes the last of the whities. It's a non-caucasian winner! All those folks that were up in arms at the beginning of the season should be settled down now. See ya Adam... good luck with that "I sell copy machines to churches" thing. But now, after challenge number two... it's the four amigos and they have to get rid of one of their own for the first time. Now, I know I'm going to sound all "peace and love", but I kind of like the fact they all decided to just manuver it towards a tie, and let the girls battle it out to earn their spot. That was UNTIL the actual tiebreaker challenge. Are you kidding me???? You're on Survivor, you've been out in the wilderness for over a month... and you girls can't make a fire???? Oh man, the sisterhood is really pissed at you two. You've made us girls look helpless all over again. So, how pitiful is it to watch these two muck around with flint for an HOUR an not be able to start a single fire. And if that wasn't bad enough, they are then given matches... and they still can't do it? Seriously Jeff, you should have just stopped them both, and sent them both over to the jury. Because at that moment, there was no chance that either of those girls was going to be awarded a million dollars. But finally, painfully... Becky builds a sad little flame that burns through the rope and (weak cheering and applause) our third person has been determined. See ya Sundra. Meanwhile, the rest of the jury is rolling their eyes wondering, "How is it that they were still in the game, and we were voted out???" So we have our final three: Yul (not a suprise), Ozzy (yah Ozzy!), and Becky (Becky... really?). And now it's up to the jury. Now, not that I really enjoyed the original snakes and rats speech from Season 1... but was it just me, or was this the most polite final tribal ever? Everyone kind of ignored Becky because hell, she could barely start fire even with matches. But even the questions to Yul and Ozzy were pretty tame and threaded with compliments. Adam tried to stir stuff up, but just like all season... Adam couldn't quite deliver. So everyone told them how lovely they were, then asked them easy questions like "What's your favorite color?" Everyone seems satisfied with the little interviews... and it was time to vote! Time Warp... now we're in Hollywood again. Votes are read. Ozzy gets four, Becky gets none (surprise) and Yul gets five... and wins! Okay... I'm a little disappointed that Ozzy didn't win. But Yul is not a bad alternate. He was my fav early-on, and it's only because Ozzy just got more and more impressive that he swayed my vote. Congrats Yul! Ozzy... your phone will be ringing off the hook tomorrow morning with opportunities galore, I'm sure. Until next time, Survivor fans!

Man... Jonathan. You do realize you need votes at the end of this to actually win the million dollars, right? I mean, snaps to you for still being around. I honestly didn't expect you to be here this long, so you're obviously doing something right. But you're not making any buds, that's for sure. I have to agree with some of the bickering around the campfire. Once you start feeling comfortable in a situation, you kind of turn into a jerk. Remember wayyyy back, in the good ole' days when there were four tribes split along ethnic lines? A couple days into it, when because of your age and experience you started acting as if you were Big Man On Campus.... and then you started bitching about how everyone should get in line and build a floor for the shelter? I'm not saying that a floor wasn't a good idea, but you weren't exactly inspiring when it came to selling the idea. It was more like a direct order from a commanding officer. Only bad thing was, no one had signed up to play Army. So, you had a few humble days when you stupidly followed Candice over during the mutiny. You quickly realized that no one really liked you, absolutely no one dared to trust you... and you did the only smart and sensible thing. You put your head down, stayed quiet, and caught a sh*tload of fish. Yeah, you should have continued to do that. But instead, after Yul first threatened, and later saved your butt, and you jumped ship YET AGAIN... you started getting cocky all over again. You know... Yul didn't pick you because he liked you the most, he picked you because you were the least liked on the other tribe, and therefore the easiest to peel off. You should be thanking him for giving you an extended life, not marching about and feeling smug as if you have a whole new slew of friends in your back pocket. Uh, because you don't. So, aside from general cluelessness, I don't now what the heck Jonathan the Rat was thinking when he decided to play the spoiler during the auction. Okay, so you win lots of food and get to eat. That could just be good money management. But then you bid up items you aren't that interested in, or don't need, just to screw with everyone else? Yeah... that's not earning you any brownie points. And then you lay around camp afterwards, complaining to everyone how full you are, and how thirsty that hot dog and pizza and beer made you... while your new-found friends exited the whole experience without getting a single bite of food? Are you cruel, or just stupid? I vote "D": All of the Above. Anyway, Jonathan got an entire episode just about devoted to him. That should help his ego nicely. In the meantime, I'm thinking that Yul might be catching a bit of Jonathan's "Big Man on Campus" bug. He's much more diplomatic, of course... but I think he may have alarmed his good buddy Becky when he started going off about how he didn't want to piss the members of the jury off too much, because he wanted to be sure to get their votes over whomever he was up against in the final two. First of all, it's a bit early to be predicting that you'll be in the final two, no matter how many secret immunity idols you have hidden in your knapsack. Secondly, you're chatting with the person you've essentially promised that you're taking with you to the end... and you're telling her how you want to manipulate the jury to be sure you get the votes instead of the person that's with you? If I'm Becky, I'm simultaneously pissed that Yul is already trying to grab at the votes, and concerned that he's yammering on about this as if he doesn't assume that Becky will be in the final two with him. Eather way, I guarantee that that conversation sent red flags up all over for Becky. So what do I think? I think Yul want to take the dirty rat Jonathan all the way to the end with him, assuming that no one will ever throw a vote Jonathan's way. But if Yul steamrollers over everyone that's been loyal to him in the process, he may find that the check may not get handed over to him quite that easily. Funny thing about people, then often remember the most recent betrayal as opposed to the greatest betrayal. If Yul boots out Becky, Ozzy, and Sundra in order to keep Jonathan around... Yul may end up looking more like the rat in their eyes. And what do you think? Is Yul going to keep Jonathan around as a human shield to take all the shots fired from the jury? That could make things interesting!

Aitu wins reward Aitu wins immunity Candice on Exile Island Rebecca voted out 6-1 Jenny voted out 4-2 ADAM: Well Adam has a new spring in his step now that Candice is back sharing his campfire. I guess it's a good thing that he got rid of Jenny when he did, because she certainly wasn't too happy about how quickly he rejoined forces with his want-to-be girlfriend. Time to circle the wagons and get the tribe to work as a team however, because Candice has a HUGE target on her back and the remaining Aitu is going to make Adam snuggle solo again if they get their way. BECKY: (Tribal Immunity) Well, a bit of seething anger towards a former tribe mate seems to bring out the best in Becky. Not that she wasn't doing her part before, but she's definitely operating as a full member of the team in all the challenges. CANDICE: Hey Candice, did you ever see that "Far Side" cartoon with the bear with the target-shaped birthmark? Yeah honeybun... I think that's you. I mean, you had all kinds of courage to step out during the mutiny offering... but you had to know that your abandoned tribemates were going to instantly hate you. Two trips to Exile Island kind of proved that point. Well, you have Adam in your corner. Let's hope you have Jonathan and Parvati and Nate too. Because if those four from Aitu make it to merge, they are going to drive you right off that island, or make it incredibly uncomfortable for you to stay. JONATHAN: Well Jonathan, your instincts were right to roll up your sleeves and work like a dog once you arrived as low man on the totem pole at your new tribe. But the thing about you, is eventually you're going to get tired of being the only one working so hard, and you're going to start snapping at everyone again and then they won't like you. And then they'll vote you off. I know it's hard to be their dad and their friend... but this is for a million. You'd better find out a way to carefully walk that line, or they're going to vote the disapproving father-figure right off the island. NATHAN: Nate! Dude! You're all alone with all the whitey's! How did that happen? Well, Parvati still digs you, but I think Adam, Candice, and Jonathan are going to be pretty tight. I hate to be the one to point out "Which one of these things is not like the others", but you'd better hope your tribe's luck changes, or that you merge with the more diverse group and they welcome you to their side... because otherwise the odds just aren't in your favor for staying much longer. I know... no one trusts Jonathan. But he's working like crazy around camp, and you aren't exactly challenging him for "hardest worker". You'd better jump to the other side, or start packing your things. Otherwise, you're going to be in the jury box really soon. OZZY: (Tribal Immunity) Ozzy, you just impress the hell out of me. You pretty much carry your team. Not that Yul is some kind of slouch, but it's always the amazing head start that you provide for your team in the challenges that helps them to keep scoring the victories. I personally think you should win this whole thing... but everyone that has depended on you up to this point is going to view you as a threat once the merge happens. So keep reminding everyone how horrible it was for Candice and Jonathan to mutiny and keep the focus off yourself. Then quietly keep winning every challenge until you walk home with the prize. PARVATI: Pavarti has always been a little bit of a wild card. She certainly is a big help in all of the challenges, but she is hard to pin down as far as who she's really loyal to. Now that her original tribe has reassembled, minus flaky Flicka, you would think she'd jump back in line with them. But she does love having Nate around, and may not be too hip on tossing him away if they have to make another tribal vote. Either way, she seems pretty safe right now. But she better start thinking out a few steps and decide which way she wants to go to keep herself in this game. SUNDRA: (Tribal Immunity) Sundra has stepped up to the plate ever since they lost Candice and Jonathan in the mutiny. Good thing her team is working so well together, because I'm afraid if they do have to make a vote, that it will be against you. Not that you haven't done your share, but Ozzy and Yul are too valuable to lose, and Yul will never vote against Becky. So you guys keep doing what you're doing... otherwise I'm afraid that you will have to the the sacrificial lamb for Aitu. YUL: (Tribal Immunity) Yul is still a big strong guy... and he sure knows how to flirt with the local ladies! Looks like they all had quite a crush on this guy, given the amount of attention he got! Yul is still in the sweetest spot. If he can make it to merge, he's got strength of his own to do well... plus Becky and Ozzy on his side AND the immunity idol. It's going to be hard to get him off the island. I'm anxious to see what happens if the tribes merge, because up to this point Yul has been such a calm gentlemanly kind of guy. But he's really angry at Candice, and I wonder if he'll have words with her. Maybe he'll just be like my dad, and tell her that he's "very disappointed in her." I always hated that.

Okay, first of all... I've been a bit out of pocket lately, so haven't exactly been keeping up with the goings-on of our Survivor friends. I'm recovering from a bout of Hepatitis A. Yeah, that's right... Hepatitis. Who knew you could still get such a thing? And I didn't even get to travel anywhere exotic and eat any interesting foreign delicacies either. But I'm finally beginning to feel more like myself, and figured I'd pick up the keyboard and get back into the swing of things. Anyway, not that you tuned in to hear about all that, but I guess since this is a blog I can mumble to myself now and again. So I'm not so sure I'll be recapping what all went on when I was wrestling with the big bad Hep A, but let's see what's been happening lately... So kudos to Mark Burnett and Jeffy for mixing it up a little bit the last couple weeks, eh? First a Mutiny (can't say that it was the right thing to do for Candice and Jonathan to jump on that opportunity, but we'll get into that later). Then there was the super extended version of the Jury. And tonight, a double vote-out. Guess the folks back at the office were all sensing that we were getting kind of bored with the same ol' thing every season. But you know that things were going to go badly when Candice and Jonathan turned their back on their tribe and abandoned ship to join Raro. There is just no way that a move like that isn't going to send red flags up all over on both sides. I mean, even if by some way you get to make it to the final two, what jury member is going to give the big check to someone that clearly will bury their own tribe as soon as the have an opportunity to make things better for themselves? I just don't think that anyone will forget that move, or think of it in a positive light, if it's time to award someone the money. Now, granted... both Candice and Jonathan are still here. Raro seems happy to have Candice back, like she was a little sister they'd been missing the entire time. And Jonathan, after receiving a much cooler welcome, has wisely been working his ass off since he hit the beach. But the trust just isn't there. Who knows, my crystal ball is in the shop and I have no future-telling talents of my own... maybe this all works out super lovely for them both. Certainly Adam is happy to have Candice back in his camp. They're picking back up right where they left off, and it's sunggle-bunny central on their side of the shelter. And by the looks of next week, there's real romance a happenin'! FINALLY! Don't they know that half of us tune in just to see some sort of romantic/sexual tension form between tribemates? I mean, what is the point of having young attractive folks running around in swimsuits and buffs if there isn't a little flirt going on to entertain us? But amidst the blooming of young love, Aitu is kicking Raro's butt. Blue-buffed ones... do you not see that your competition has bonded in the face of a common enemy. And thy enemy's name is "Candice"? If there ever is a merge, Candice is going to be sacraficed very early on. Only then will the remaining members of Aitu be able to sleep at night without grinding their teeth in thinly veiled rage. In the meantime, their anger has made them strong. Luckily they haven't been castaway on Cloud City, or they may be lured by the dark side of the Force. (Did I just make a Star Wars reference? I must still be a bit ill... sorry 'bout that.) I'm thinking there was definitely a Karma thing that came into play when Candice disrupted things when she mutinied (and brought slow-thinking, impulsive Jonathan along with her). They've been beaten mightly by Aitu ever since, and I think only now after their tribe has been shrunk to even less than it was before the mutiny, that things may even out a bit. But now their left with the original Raro tribe, just swap in Nate for Flicka. Hmmm... I wonder how comfortable Nate feels now that he realizes he's the lone "non-whitey" on the tribe? Raro kind of resembles a reversed double-stuft Oreo, don't you think? Either way, everyone there is Jury bound. The existing members of Aitu will never forgive Candice, and she'll never get a vote from them. Anyone that gets voted out before Candice on Raro will resent that she took their spot, and she'll never get a vote from them. And no one is ever, or was ever, going to vote for Jonathan. So they are just both playing for face time and whatever 15 minutes of fame they will get out of this experience. So who do I think is going to win at this point? Well, given the recent twists, who knows what might be in store for our little Castaways. But who do I think should win? Ozzy. He's the true Survivor here. Let's just hope that he's given a chance to get to the point of individual immunity, and I think he'll hold his own fate in his hands.

Standings Before Episode 7 Aitu wins reward No immunity Cao Boi voted out 6-2 Cristina voted out 4-2 Nate Kidnapped ADAM: (Voted for Cristina) Gosh Adam, no one seemed very happy with your lack of tact regarding Cristina's irritating personality. I mean, everyone seemed to agree she was irritating, but for some strange reason they all thought you crossed a line when you actually mentioned out loud that she was irritating. I'm not sure I understand that, other than it's just another reason to put a target on someone and keep the attention from themselves. What they should be more concerned about was the fact that Candice was blowing kisses to you all during Tribal Council. They're not going to want to see you two pair back up together come time for a merge, so they may decide to kick your butt to the curb before that can happen. BECKY: (Voted for Cao Boi) Wow, little Becky showed her strength during that challenge, didn't she? She attacked the girls on the other team with everything she had, and was certainly stronger pound for pound than most. And she was wise to steer clear of Cao Boi's mumbo jumbo. Jenny earned her keep this week, both on the strategic and the physical front. Good girl! BRAD: (Voted for Jenny) Brad is a lover, not a fighter. He hates to say a bad word about anyone. That's a very nice characteristic to have, but in this game it's going to get him chewed up and spat out. He was the only person on his tribe to not vote against Cristina, and that may have folks take a second look at him when they get back to camp. If he is going to be easily swayed by every emotional argument, then the rest of his tribe won't feel that they can predict what he's going to do... and they might just get rid of him to eliminate the concern. I don't know... do nice guys finish first in this game? CANDICE: (Voted for Cao Boi) What's with all the blown kisses during Tribal, Candice? Are you taunting, or are you flirting? Either way, you've got Adam's attention... and unfortunately you probably got the attention of everyone else at Tribal Council too. They are going to assume that you two are working together if you keep behaving like that. But on the other hand, you were just fierce in the challenge, and no one can do anything but give you full credit for being hard to beat during that whole competition. I'm glad to see you and your alliance all stuck together. It would have been a quick downward spiral for you if you hadn't. JENNY: (Voted for Cristina) Jenny just plugs along... works hard, fights hard, but is still nice back at camp. I don't know why her name came up at Tribal, other than as just a random alternative for Cristina. I'm glad Jenny stayed, though... it was the right decision. She's much better at this game than Cristina, and the right castaway went home. JESSICA: (Voted for Jonathan) Poor Flicka. I don't think she's made a decision for herself even once. She's always swayed by someone, and then ususally finds that she's still behind the latest news, and just ends up sitting on a limb alone somewhere. She's going to miss Cao Boi, and unfortunately for her, has probably become the next target for her tribe simply because she is so unpredictable. Now is the time to start talking up what a physical threat Ozzy is, because if she doesn't shift the focus off herself, she's going home soon. JONATHAN: (Voted for Cao Boi) Yeah, Jonathan... I have to agree with the other girls around camp. There is something vaguely creepy about you. You certainly have an air of superiority about you. But more than that, you behave as if you aleady know what everyone is up to, and that makes folks uncomfortable. You need to be more of a man of the people I think, as opposed to the "natural leader". You've got a strong alliance right now, but they did waiver a bit regarding you... and next time they might not waiver back in your favor. NATHAN: (Kidnapped) Oh no! Natenapped! I don't know why exactly the Aitu tribe picked Nate to drag over to there side during Tribal, but he certainly enjoyed the vittles. Eat now, and figure it out later is what I always say. You always have to be concerned when you're taken to the other side, and "contaminated" by the other tribe, if your orignal tribemates will welcome you back when you return. As long as you bring lots of juicy gossip back with you, I think you'll be okay. OZZY: (Voted for Cao Boi) Ozzy is the man. He is clearly so superior to everyone else out in this environment, it's just silly. But he shouldn't have tipped his hand so far this early in the game. Although his tribe is happy to partake in all of the yummy fish that he is providing, they know damn well that he's gonig to skyrocket to the top if they let him make it to the merge. You should have reined it back a little bit, big fella. Now everyone knows how powerful and strong you are, and they're just going to want to get rid of you. I truly hope they don't, however... because I'd really like to see how he does. I think he could win this thing. PARVATI: (Voted for Cristina) Parvati kind of flew under the radar this time around. Usually she's bright and bubbly and has the spotlight on her at least at some point during each episode... but we didn't see her much this time. She does a good job of knowing what seems to be going on with how everyone in her tribe is thinking, but hasn't yet been targeted by anyone as a threat. I don't quite know how you're doing it girl, but it's working for you. Keep it up! REBECCA: (Voted for Cristina) I think Rebecca was happy to be rid of Cristina. She may not have been the one that spewed it all out at Tribal Council, but she was certainly one of the ones most bugged by her bossy ways. She's another one that has just stayed off the radar. She's smart, and thinks strategically... but is obviously a good contributor around camp because no one has viewed her as a threat or put a target on her back. I think she's one of the longshots that may go far in this thing. We shall see.... SUNDRA: (Voted for Cao Boi) Yeah, Sundra... if you just vowed your alligence to the big alliance in your tribe, you'd better stick right with them for the time being no matter what. You may not trust and like Jonathan, but right now he has your back, and that's worth holding on to. Stick close to the alliance of five that you're in, and only when you get to the point where you have to begin feeding off each other to you bring out the "Jonathan is creepy" trump card. YUL: (Voted for Cao Boi) You know what? I'm not sure if it's editing, or if this is the way he really is... but Yul just seems to get more and more wishy-washy every week. I know the vote didn't go this way, but why he even entertained Cao Boi's crazy plan is beyond me. I mean, it was two of his alliance members going up, in an effor to flush out the immunity idol that HE had! That's just bad all around, but he didn't put a stop to it right away. And he's making the girls start to question Jonathan? Jonathan has his back! You can't mess with that! Well, whatever... in the end he did the right thing. But he sure did enough flipping around in the meantime to make me a little less impressed with him.

The Standings Before Episode 6 Raro wins reward Aitu wins immunity Jonathan on Exile Island Stephannie voted out 7-1 ADAM: (Voted for Stephannie) So if it is Adam’s strategy to just fly under the radar until the final merge, he’s doing one heck of a job. I mean, we see him a little bit… but he’s not sticking his neck out there, or doing anything outrageous. When all the other guys are lying about, he is too. When all the other guys are working hard, he is too. When everyone is going to vote for J.P., he does too. When everyone is going to vote for Stephannie, he does too. I’m not saying it’s a bad strategy, it’s just hard to know how much of it is actually strategy, and how much of it is that he’s just not a very strong player, and only knows how to follow someone else’s lead. This eventually becomes an individual sport though, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if he can step up to the plate by then. BECKY: (Tribal Immunity) Well, Becky is making a career out of being the small light one that they throw about in the challenges. Last week she was dragged through obstacles while shackled to a rope, this week she had to be one of the little ones stepping across the moving stepping stones. But other than that, she sure lays about a lot, reveling in the safety of her alliance. I think she had better offer a little bit more than that, otherwise she’s going to get booted as soon as things get rough. The strongest move she made though was allying with Yul early on. But that alone is not going to get her to the end. BRAD: (Voted for Stephannie) See Adam. CANDICE: (Tribal Immunity) See Becky. But add an air of superiority. CAO BOI: (Tribal Immunity) Wow, this guy is just lucky that his tribe hasn’t been to Tribal Council anytime lately, because he would have been shown the door a long time ago. He really offers next to nothing in the day-to-day activities of the tribe… just non-stop story time, which I think everyone would be happier without. He made everyone at Raro tribe thankful that they live an island away from him, after he gave them a sample of his meandering never-ending yammering… about who knows what. He’s quite the character, but I think his tribe believes they have enough character, and they can do fine without him. Surely he will be the next to go. CRISTINA: (Voted for Stephannie) Girl, your tribe just got rid of someone because they viewed him as bossy, and yet you stepped right into his shoes and started barking orders right where he left off. Are you ignorant??? You are just lucky that Stephannie fell on her sword, AGAIN. Because no one wants to be stranded on a small deserted island with a know-it-all. JENNY: (Voted for Stephannie) I like Jenny. She works hard, keeps her head down, avoids the drama... and yet is pretty observant of what's going on in the tribe around her, and what she should do to keep herself safe. She's going to want to align with one of the guys though, because she's going to need someone in her corner with some physical strength if she makes it to the merge. Psssst. I suggest you sit down with either Adam or Brad. They're both plyable, and seem to like having someone to tell them what to do. JESSICA: (Tribal Immunity) Hey Flicka. I like how you like to jump right in and mix it up a bit, but if you decide to taunt the other tribe during a challenge, you might not what to be the one that ends up letting loose of the rope and sealing your tribe's fate. And what's with this desire to explore this other island, and then discovering that it's the locatoin of the other tribe? Didn't you used to BE part of that tribe, Flicka? Isn't that the island you used to live on? Hon... I know they all kind of look alike, but you've only been on two of them. Nothing run a bell for you before you stumbled on their camp? Man, I hope one of the challenges isn't a memory game. You'll be toast. JONATHAN: (Tribal Immunity) Poor Jonathan... sent back to Exile Island to look for an idol that is no longer there. Kudos to you for announcing it to everyone though. Considering the fact that the guy that has the idol is in your alliance, you maybe should have chatted with him a bit before you announced to everyone the the idol has most likely been found. It's not going to take a genius to figure out that SOMEONE in your alliance probably has it. Ah well... hindsight, blah, blah, blah. NATHAN: (Voted for Stephannie) Nate and Adam were looking kind of cozy during the reward challenge. Clinging on to each other, grabbing at each other... all sweaty and hot. No wonder Brad dropped his weights. But you sure woke up with a renewed work ethic after J.P. got sent home. But it did as you hoped, and got the ladies attention and respect. I think they'll keep you around now... especially Parvati. OZZY: (Tribal Immunity) Poor Ozzy. He's probably the most prepared and physically capable guys out there... and he's stuck in a default alliance of Cao Boi and Flicka??? I'm quite sure this is not how he pictured it going. He needs to get over to that power alliance of four, pledge his loyalty, and make a case for them to trust him and protect him... otherwise he probably won't make it to the merge. And I think this guy will be tough to beat once it comes to individual effort. PARVATI: (Voted for Stephannie) Hmmmm... what to say about Parvati. Well, she seems to be walking the line between the girls and guys of her tribe pretty well. Both sides talk to her, neither side distrusts her. She's got the flirty thing going on with the guys, and the whole "being female" thing going on with the girls. But she doesn't seem to DO a whole lot around camp, does she? I guess that's working for her now, but she kind of seems like a floater, and I don't know if anyone will risk themselves to save her if it comes down to a choice in the near future. REBECCA: (Voted for Stephannie) Rebecca is quiet, observant, and smart. She's playing this game really well so far, and is strategically on top of things. As long as she doesn't do something to draw attention to herself, she seems to have a knack for staying one step ahead of things and keeping herself in a good position. She's got a strong ally in Jenny, and the two of them should not be underestimated. SUNDRA: (Tribal Immunity) Sundra did the smart thing by sticking around camp and getting closer to the Big 4 alliance instead of going on the whole Flicka/Ozzy/Cao Boi boon-doggle. She can float around all she wants after the merge... but if she wants to GET to the merge, she better stick with the other four. YUL: (Tribal Immunity) Yul... last week you were less than stellar in the puzzle challenge, and this week you were the first to drop your load of bricks in the reward challenge. Come on! You've been hyped up to be the strongest all around player in the game, and you're stumbling a bit here. And now, if anyone out there has been paying attention, they have to be assuming that you've got the hidden idol. You're still positioned pretty, but you're not as unbeatable as I originally though.

Day 12 Raro Tribe The boys are all up early, nervously brushing their teeth with little bamboo sticks while the girls all sleep in. The boys are anxious... their leader J.P. got voted out the night before. They look like little chipmunks with the sticks in their mouths, gnawing away distractedly as they wonder what they can do to be less vulnerable now that the girls are in the clear majority. Nate looks at the sleeping girls. "What you ladies sleeping for? I'm not a hater but what they do all day?" Yeah, whatever Nate. Twenty-four hours ago you were lolling about while the ladies swept camp and made breakfast. New morning, new perspective... eh? So the nervous chipmunk men decide to do something to demonstrate to the ladies how very valuable they are. Brad trots off to catch some fish, Nate goes and enthusiastically gathers some firewood, and Adam goes out and sweeps clean the rocks. What? Wait.... oh, he goes searching for some crabs. Whatever, he looked like a French Maid there for a minute, dusting off the rock face. Whatever Adam, just keep moving and look busy. The girls stretch awake, drink their coffee, read the paper. They giggle at how hard the guys are working. That's right guys... you're showing THEM. Just keep working your fingers to the bone and show those girls who is boss. Aitu Tribe Sundra, Becky and Candice lounge on the beach catching some rays, and inspecting each other’s underarms for growth. Oh what they wouldn’t do for a razor right about now. Cao Boi grumbles about the lazy girls, and threatens that they’ll be going home soon if they don’t start contributing. But we all know that Cao Boi is going to do something irritating every hour on the hour and keep the target firmly placed on his back… so he can grumble all he wants, but it probably won’t amount to much. It’s tree mail time, and it’s something about strained spicy pears. Oh wait, no… it’s about pairs straining to win spices. Whatever. The survivors brush the sand off their butts and trudge off to the challenge location, a big circle area that’s been cleared in the middle of one of the islands for the challenge de jour. For some reason I keep wondering how they cleared all that land into such a precise circle shape. It’s sad when I’m more interested in the behind-the-scenes prep work for the challenge, as opposed to the challenge itself. Reward Challenge Jeff is waiting there for the Survivors, wearing that same goofy straw cowboy hat that’s beginning to look a little worse for wear. Far be it for me to give fashion advice, but he should at least try donning a Crocodile Dundee or Indiana Jones inspired hat, as opposed to the wicker cowboy look. Just my two-cents. The tribes arrive, and Aitu gasps with pleasant surprise to find out that physically strong J.P. got voted out of Raro at the last tribal council. You know they’re all wondering, “Why the hell…?” but then shrugging their shoulders and figuring that Raro’s loss is their gain. So here’s the challenge. Something new for once! Each tribe must break down into three pairs, and each pair must stand on a box with one arm around each other, and the other arm holding a rope with a hook on the end. Every two minutes, members of the opposing tribe will grab a pair of 5-pound weights, and load them on whichever pair they would like. The tribe with the last pair standing, without dropping their weights, wins reward. And Jeff… what is today’s reward? Why, it’s additional fishing supplies, spices, and wine! The Survivors all do the happy dance when they realize they may be getting wine tonight. We viewers get happy too, because there are few things more entertaining on this show than tipsy castaways. Also, as usual, the winning tribe will get to pick someone from the losing tribe to go to “there ain’t no idol there no more” Island. The tribes strategize for a moment, and pick their pairs. For Aitu, the weight-bearing pairs will be Yul & Jonathan, Sundra & Candice, and Ozzy & Flicka. For Raro, the pairs are Nate & Adam, Rebecca & Stephannie, and Cristina & Brad. That leaves Cao Boi and Becky to be the weight loaders for Aitu, and Parvati and Jenny for Raro. The challenge begins, and Raro spreads the weight around, while Aitu targets Nate & Adam to carry all of the weight. During the waiting periods between each new load of weights, the tribes start heckling each other. Flicka, “roller derby is as much a mental game as a physical one” starts first when Nate says to his tribe, “They’ll be wine tonight!” And Flicka, ever the clever girl says, “They’ll be whine-ING!” Everyone laughs and mutters about what a harsh comment that was. What? That’s clever and harsh? Was that not the most obvious comment ever? No matter… everyone is now in awe of Flicka and her smart mouth. She blows kisses to the crowd. Time passes, weight is distributed, intense dramatic music is played… suddenly, for no good reason that I can see, Yul lets go of his rope and he and Jonathan, the strongest pair for Aitu, are out of the competition. Yul, honey…! It’s holding on to a rope, that’s all! You’re an “ultimate fighter”, you play water polo… but you can’t hold on to 30 pounds of weight? I’m so disappointed in you. Sit down. You’re in time out. Rebecca and Stephanie then drop their weight (surprising no one) and now Raro is down a pair as well. Sundra starts struggling, and Candice, her partner, tries to encourage her to keep holding on… but she gives up and lets the weight drop. Candice, clearly forgetting that morning’s earlier bonding experience over armpits, looks clearly disappointed and annoyed and doesn’t offer the token, “It’s okay, you did your best,” that Sundra is hoping for. Instead, Candice flops down with thinly veiled disgust to await the end of the competition. This leaves Ozzy and Flicka alone to compete for Aitu. Flicka decides this would be a good time to flaunt her heckling techniques some more, and starts taunting Cristina who is showing signs of weakening. “Ohhh, she’s gonna drop it, I see her drop it… na, na, na-na, na, na….” Cristina replies with, “Mind over matter.” And Flicka, obviously drunk with the power of her own ranting responds, “The power of the mind is a dangerous place to wander.” WHAT??? It doesn’t matter… it’s time for more weight, and with only one place to go for Aitu, Flicka suddenly silences once the new weight is applied and she herself starts struggling mightily. Over for Raro, Nate and Adam are struggling while holding 30 pounds each, and they start grabbing at each other to try and anchor themselves better. There’s grabbing and groping and grunting and sweating… and it might be kind of erotic if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s Nate and Adam. Suddenly, over on the Aitu side of things… Flicka, weakened by all of that taunting, is losing grip of her rope. She struggles and squeals, and tries to get a better grip. The music builds, Flicka strains… and OH NO! She lets go of the rope. Sorry Flick. All talk and no holdy-the-ropey, spells a loss for your tribe. Raro wins reward, and gets to send someone to Exile Island. For whatever reason, they decide to send back someone that has already gone, and they pick Jonathan. Jonathan gives a wave, and wanders off, and then Raro does the happy dance around their newly acquired spicy strained pears.

Day 13 Raro Tribe The tribe is slow to wake, most likely due to the two empty wine bottles that are lying about camp. We didn’t get to see any stumbling or bumbling castaways, so they must have all been nice well-mannered drunks. Adam suddenly shows up, back from an early fishing expedition. He has… an octopus stuck to his foot? Yep, yep… yes he does. The thing is holding on for dear life, despite getting poked more than a couple times with a fishing spear. Somehow the poor guy is finally removed from around Adam’s ankle, and now everyone knows that octopus will be the main feature of today’s menu. Cristina jumps into action, quickly ordering everyone around to gather things so she can begin creating a five-star meal. “YOU, go get me coconut. YOU, go boil some water. YOU, go get me some crabs.” Did Cristina not see last week’s episode? This tribe really has no tolerance for pushy people. Jenny, just like last week, is the first to squawk. She reluctantly helps wash off a knife and cutting board at the edge of the water, as Cristina squats down clean the octopus next to her. Jenny heads back to camp as Cristina, for some unknown reason, submerges the pan containing the octopus in the shallow water… and as it tends to happen on the beach, a small wave almost immediately comes in, and washes half the octopus meat out into the ocean as it recedes. Cristina immediately starts crying for help. “Help, help! The octopus is washing away!!” Brad comes down to try and help her retrieve some of the scattered pieces, while Cristina tries to tell him that she thought that Jenny was right there to help, and that’s why things when so badly. Ummmm… so the fact that Jenny wasn’t right there is the reason you decided to dunk the octopus meat in the water? So, Jenny was supposed to stop you from doing something stupid like that? Is that your point? Adam goes down to assess the damage, and see how much of the Nike-sucking octopus they have lost. Again, Cristina is pointing fingers everywhere but herself… “Uh, I thought Jenny was right here, I couldn’t do this by myself… blah, blah, blah.” They managed to get all the meat back, but then Adam wandered back up to camp to tell the rest of the tribe what happened and how Cristina was trying to blame Jenny for the fiasco. The reaction, as you might imagine, was not positive. Almost immediately, you can tell the individual tribe mates are trying to determine if Cristina spells her name with a “C” or a “K”, and if she includes an “h” in her name… because they want to get it right when they write her bossy, octopus-dropping name down at the next Tribal Council. Aitu Tribe Our happy campers wake up and start wandering about camp. Flicka has decided it’s a good day to explore, and tries to recruit others to go with her. Ozzy is in, because he feels their island is getting “short on resources” and that they could use a fresh boost of supplies from another location. But when Yul is asked, he replies that he thinks he’ll spend the day trying to catch chickens. Ozzy asks Candice, but she is very, very, busy braiding her hair, and also turns them down. Cao Boi of course is going… because Cao Boi is up for anything. Sooooo… it’s the strong trusting/respecting alliance of four staying put, the three stooges Flicka, Cao Boi, and Ozzy going on an explore, and then Sundra who stands alone. The stooges approach Sundra to see if she would like to join them. “You want to come? It will be four of us,” Cao Boi asks. Wow… this is like totally one of those conversations with such a dual significance. Because, like, there’s the four that are staying that are in an alliance, and then there’s, like, the three that are going that are like in an alliance… and then there’s like Sundra, who’s like TOTALLY in between the two alliances! Whoooooa. Like, if she stays or goes can, like, totally signify not only what she wants to do today, but like how she’s probably going to ally herself and like vote. Coooool. Sundra is no dummy, and stays put with the strong and smart alliance, and lets the other three toddle off on their adventure. Milliseconds after the tree stooges leave, Yul approaches Sundra and asks if she would consider allying with them. Sundra, again – no dummy, agrees. And now the strong trusting/respecting alliance of four have their fifth, and her word that she will not waiver and will vote with them going forward. Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen. In the meantime, Ozzy, Flicka, and Cao Boi row across the lagoon to the mysterious “Other Island”. Ozzy finds some funky mushrooms, and informs the other two that they are very useful for first aid, and gathers some to take with them. Hmmm… this first aid isn’t administered through smoking, is it Ozzy? We’d better keep an eye on him next time he “cuts his finger.” The trio are excited to be the first to explore this desolate, unknown island. They trek through the bush, look around, and discover… the Raro Tribe! That’s right, you guys paddled across the way only to stumble across the other tribe’s camp. And hey, Flicka… didn’t you used to live over here? I mean, didn’t you spend the first 10 days or so right here on this very island? Did you pay no attention at all while paddling home, and notice the proximity of your “old” island to your “new” island? No? Nothin, huh? Well, regardless of how it came about, there are the dregs of the Aitu tribe showing up unannounced on Raro’s beach. The members of Raro are not happy. Adam might as well beat his chest and pee on all the trees the way he reacts to the visitors invading his territory. The invaders don’t notice or don’t care. They squat down at the campfire and make themselves at home. Cao Boi, in a very unexpected turn of events, starts on a story-telling jag. Brad and Jenny suffer flashbacks, and the rest of the tribe gets their first introduction to Cao Boi’s ability to talk forever and say nothing. When everyone’s eyes are glazed after untold hours of non-stop yammering, the Raro tribe finally maneuvers the chatting to a close. As Cao Boi says his goodbyes, he decides to go for the gold ring, and ask the Raro tribe if they would be willing to share some of the spices they won in the prior day’s challenge. Raro collectively looks at him as if he has gone mad, and Adam quickly speaks up and tells him that they worked mighty hard for them spicy pears, and they think they ought to just hold on to them. If Cao Boi was truly smart, at this point he would have plunked himself right back down and started up a new story. Those guys would have given him anything to get him to leave. But Cao Boi doesn’t and so there is no bargaining chip… and therefore no spices. Ozzy, Flicka and Cao Boi paddle back home with nothing to show for their efforts but a few magic mushrooms. Exile Island Jonathan is back on Exile Island. The last time he was here, there actually was still an idol buried somewhere in the sand… but it’s long gone now. All he has is the handy-dandy notebook full of clues to an idol that’s now safely hidden in Yul’s pocket. Regardless, Jonathan takes a look at the latest clue to see if it will help him out: To find what you seek, a charm of great worth, get in the right spot and look deep in the earth. Is it just me, or was this the least challenging “hidden idol” ever? I mean, they practically marked a big ol’ X on the ground with a sign that said “Dig Here”. Jonathan should be feeling dopey that he didn’t find this thing on his first visit. But now that it’s been completely spelled out for him, he’s off to do some digging. There’s Jonathan, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. Ahhh.. there’s night vision of Jonathan, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. There’s Jonathan, the next morning, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. JONATHAN!!! It ain’t there no mo! All gone! It go bye-bye! Ah, whatever… you’ll figure it out sooner or later. Day 14 Immunity Challenge Jeff is there, waiting for the castaways at the site of the latest hamster maze that has been built for them. Wha… what’s this? Jeff is wearing a ball cap now instead of his silly straw cowboy hat. Jeff, have you been reading my blog? Jonathan returns, and after some pointed questions by Jeff, tells that he looked all over for that idol where he thought it should be and couldn’t find it, and that he’s sure it’s not there anymore. Yul grimaces, and wishes that Jonathan would shut his pie hole. Jeff then begins explaining the elaborate set-up that the survivors will soon be racing through. First the tribes have to put together tree stepping poles that will be used to transport two of their tribe members between two platforms in the water. Once both are across, the entire tribe must climb on top of the second platform, and once they are all there they can jump back in the water and swim to a third very small tower further out in the water. The first team to get all of the tribe members up on the top of the tower, with both feet on or above the top deck of the tower wins. The teams get all twittery and anxious, and then with much ta-doo, Jeff screams “GO!” and they are on their way. Everyone races to the beach and starts assembling the stepping poles. Aitu is in the water first with their poles, and Raro follows shortly after. Jenny starts across the poles for Raro, while Flicka starts making it across for Aitu. The teams plod through, inching the girls along to the next platform, and then run back to get their second girls. Raro starts the second leg with a bit of a lead, as Parvati starts across. Aitu goes back to get Becky. Aitu makes up some ground by increasing the distance between the poles, and both girls hit the second platform at about the same time. Parvati his it for Raro, and then all the rest of the tribe clambers up the second platform, and then leaps off… splashing and swimming for the tower. Becky hits the platform for Raro, and they scramble up and down to close the small gap they are trailing by. Raro starts climbing up the tower, and gets everyone to the top, but fall off into the water before everyone can get their feet up on deck. Aitu is now leading, and they squeeze up to the top deck one by one, while bunching on to one another in an effort to keep their balance. It looks like some twisted erotic version of Circ du Soleil, with arms and bodies and legs all entwined on top of this itty, bitty deck. Finally, the final foot pulls up and finds a spot for Aitu, and they win immunity. Now that they all know each other so intimately, the members of Aitu launch off the tower, and then jump all over one another in the water in celebration. Raro collapses off the tower after their failed attempt, and just look wet and miserable while standing in the water. Sorry guys… but if it makes you feel better, this was one of the more entertaining challenges to watch for those of us here at home. Raro Tribe After woefully trudging back to camp after their loss, the tribemates all check in with each other and confirm that they are going to vote out bossy Cristina after the whole octopus fiasco. She is annoying everyone, and they’ve all decided they’ve had enough. Nate and Stephannie go to get water, and check in with each other to make sure their vote is the same. Stephannie confirms with Nate that she’s down with voting out Cristina, and is just happy that it’s not her or Nate. And then, stupid Stephannie, makes some goofy comment about how she could easily see herself going home and getting some mashed potatoes and gravy. Wha…? It’s a strange comment, but Stephannie is a strange girl… and it should have just stopped there. But noooo…. Nate goes back to camp, and tells Adam and Brad how Stephannie was wishing for the chance to go home and get some taters and gravy. Now, that’s not exactly what she said, but it’s a reasonable story, and they all start jumping on the bandwagon about how Stephannie has obviously already given up mentally, and should be sent home. Hell… the week before she took the blame for losing the immunity challenge, and told her tribe to send her home, but they didn’t. And now, they clearly had decided to send someone else home, and then Stephannie piped up and said it wouldn’t break her heart to go home and enjoy some real food. Hmmm… Stephannie may have not meant for it to come out that way, but at the same time she is clearly not ready to ride this pony all the way to the finish. So whether she meant for it to go this way or not, the target slips off of Cristina’s back, and positions itself on Stephannie. Brad starts telling his version of what he heard from Nate to Parvati. Parvati, ever the direct one, goes right to the source and asks Stephannie if she wants to go home. Stephannie kind of laughs it off, and just says things were taken out of context… and tells Parvati that she does want to stay. However, she delivers it with zero conviction… so I’m thinking that Stephannie is dreaming of mashed potatoes again even as Parvati is trying to help her. Yeah, bossy Cristina… looks like it’s your lucky day. Tribal Council The parade of torches arrives, and they all take a seat around the fire. Jeff: Adam, your tribe totally sucked in today’s challenge. You’ve lost two in a row, you talentless goofs. What do you have to say for yourself? Adam: Get off my back, man! We’re doing fine. We communicate really well. Just today Nate was telling me how Stephannie begged him to take her home and cover her in mashed potatoes. I mean, the communication lines in this tribe are OPEN. We’re cool. Jeff: Brad, you seem to kiss everyone’s ass equally. Do you have no pride, man? Brad: Everyone deserves a good ass-kissing now and again. It’s my job to spread the love. Why don’t you bend over, Jeff… and I’ll give you a little something too. Jeff: Stephannie, why don’t you have any friends? And why the hell do you spell your name with two n’s? Stephannie: I choose to have no friends, Jeff. Friends are useless baggage, and they just get between me and my mashed potatoes. I’d just as soon that the world be wiped of all human life. Uh, I mean… all human life except for you all. All human life, except for you eight lovely people. You all haven’t voted yet… have you? Jeff: Whatever, Steph… what about the n’s? Stephannie: Oh, I just do that to screw with the people that put me in their blogs, so it makes their spell check go apeshit. Jeff: Nate, you all got rid of J.P. last week because he was bossy. We’ve had cameras on you guys 24/7 and there appears to be a new Bossy Betsy in your camp. Why don’t you confront her now and make her feel really uncomfortable? Nate: Cristina is a bossy bitch. She treats all of us like her little deputies, and makes her fetch her slippers and pipe and crap like that. We hate her. We talk about how much we hate her every day. We just didn’t tell her because we didn’t want to hurt her feelings… but now that you asked, Jeff, I must say it as it is. Cristina is a pushy bossy know-it-all, and she makes crappy coconut octopus soup. There, I’ve said it. Jeff: Cristina, do you feel like crap now? Cristina: (sob, sob, sniffle) Jeff: Adam, do you think your tribe has been completely honest here today? Adam: Well, if we’re being completely honest, I have to say that I really enjoyed the challenges the last few days where Nate and I have had to grope each other in order to “win one for the team”. I’m thinking that Nate and I should get pinned now, because we’ve certainly gotten to first base with each other, and are actually probably rounding second. Oh yeah, and Cristina totally is a bossy bitch. But I thought she knew that. Jeff: Rebecca, since we’re all being honest, do you have anything to say? Rebecca: Yeah, I steal things from the set of “The View” all the time. If you were to go into my apartment, you’d find tons of stuff from make-up and wardrobe, one of Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s homemade immunity headdresses, some leftover girdles from Star Jones, and one of Barbara Walter’s Emmys. Oh yeah, and Cristina is totally a bossy bitch. Jeff: Fair enough. Time to vote. Survivor music. Trudging to the voting area. Writing names down. Saying “it’s not personal,” even though it is…. Okay, time to count the votes. Stephannie Stephannnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnnieeee Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnieeeeeeeee Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Kristina Jeff: Okay, you all clearly hate Cristina, but have decided to vote Stephannie out instead. Sucks to be you Stephannie. Sucks to be you Cristina. You all can head back to camp.